Bluebear the Animal Crossing face of evil… a ranty article…
Bluebear… peppy little bitch from “Animal Crossing Wild World”, yes, look into the face of evil. Beneath her lemon gingham / butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth / fuzzy looking self, lurks the heart of someone I am fairly sure is not only having a torrid affair with The Mayor of my town, but is also happy to rig events in her own favor.
Yes, it was The Flower Festival in town last week in Animal Crossing Wild World and I worked my butt off to ensure I would take the coveted award. I bought every flower Tom Nook had for sale in Nookington’s and I planted the entire area around my home. Things looked splendid, certainly my virtual green thumb expertise was to far outweigh all of the other residents in the town of Genovia.
Come the day the winners were posted on the community notice board, I knew my name would be there, I knew I had it in the bag. I had done a walk around the entire town, looking at everyone’s pallid efforts and smirked in no uncertain surety that I would soon be polishing the trophy at home, or chatting about my efforts to the rest of the townsfolk.
I read the noticeboard in utter disbelief…. “Bluebear is the winner of this years Flower Festival”…. WTF?!? There must be some mistake!! I saw Bluebear’s house and that bitch has about 5 lots of flowers, a couple of which look dry and un-watered. There is no recourse, the winner is the winner…. flashes of taking to Bluebear’s home and taking that trophy and turning her into a nice blue bear rug swam through my mind, but wait, this is Animal Crossing: Wild World, not Silent Hill… dammit.
I pondered what had occurred and then it hit me, twice I had run by the Town Hall and twice who did I see there milling about Mayor Tortimer…….. Bluebear! Oh sure, sure it was just a ‘friendly chat’, like the ones I had with him myself, about his old bones and how his little tortoise legs got tired from standing there day in day out. No… something is NOT right. Tortimer as Mayor decides the winner of the Flower Festival… and I’m convinced Bluebear, with those flirty little eyes and butter wouldn’t melt looks made sure old Tortimer was the one place a tortoise hates to be… unless it’s with a promiscuous blue bear… on his back!
Yeah innocent my ass!!!!
If you’re still not convinced, let me just whiz these Animal Crossing Wild World quotes by you, oh yeah… you know these are going to be good. These are from Bluebear herself:
“Too bad Tom Nook doesn’t sell magical boomerangs…”
Yeah Bluebear.. why? So you could throw them and go back a day and take back what you did you dirty slapper? Yeah Bluebear.. I have your number and I know how you won that trophy and it wasn’t by planting flowers!
And then there is the most damning evidence of all… Bluebear’s own official Animal Crossing Wild World quote… ready?:
“I enjoy tap dancing and raspberry jam!”
TAP dancing.. give me a break Bluebear, I know that’s a TYPO and it’s LAP dancing and strawberry jam.
I’ll get my own back, just you wait and see, next time Bluebear whines to me about how she’s not feeling well and she wishes she had a friend who would get her medicine from Nookington’s Department Store, I’ll just smirk and leave her there in her cold sweats (quite possibly brought on by something venereal in nature) and I’ll go to Tortimer and tell him to rush over to Nookington’s for her….. Tortoise’s aren’t known for their speed.
Bluebear waving image credit to Deviant Art user MarysLamb.
This post was written for my personal blog GirlyGamer.com.au in which I wax lyrical and out of key about TV, video games, tabletop games, technology and the weird world web. Visit it and leave comments there because lord knows I never check Tumblr and Posterous.